The Win

 

I’d like to think in my older years I’ve grown a lot, learned enough, and gained enough self-control to say that I’ve matured very well into adulthood. I can say that I have taken on my role as a functioning member of society with ease, and the adjustment period was relatively minimal. I was the girl who talked about her first house and dream job- by the time I was 15. I was getting bathroom sets, microwaves and vacuums,  things that normally don’t come until college years,  for Christmas by the time I was 16.

I would sit down with my mom on a Friday night and write out how much things cost; light bills, heating, groceries, car payments, and everything else that it takes to run a house and life on a month-to-month basis! Needless to say- I was ready.

Now, the thing most everyone brushes over is that regardless of you’re age, you continue to grow and learn. You figure out weaknesses in your character and try to grow from them- at the same time without taking it too hard when the brick wall of imperfection comes out of nowhere, bluntly stopping you in your tracks of progress.

For me, it’s when I feel that my blood is boiling. I can literally feel my blood pressure creeping up into danger-zone, heart racing, pupils dilating. It’s when I literally feel the argument raising up into my vocal cords and using every ounce of physical strength in me- to keep my jaw shut, knowing that once my mouth opens- the flood gates are down; there’s no turning back from that point.

Usually the tears come later, but sometimes they’re the first to arrive. The words start flowing and the anger is radiating through my whole body at this point. Generally I try to keep my cool until the argument is through- but that’s never a guarantee. Everything I’ve held in to that point related to the directed target, comes out.

 Self-control is gone and it’s a firing squad of insults and backhanded remarks- which might as well have been a physical assault because it comes out just as harsh and cold. 

I’ve gotten pretty good at the cool calm and collected arguments; using that method to irritate the other person enough to get them to the point of backing down first. I understand what it takes to get them there- and I use it as weapon of mass destruction all of it’s own category. Be neutral and as careless in the argument as possible. Be the person with the level head in the argument- and wait for the opposition to crack. Think of what they’ll say first, so you can already prepare your response. Stay  5 steps ahead of them, without them knowing they’ve even missed a beat.

The storming away usually gets me the most satisfaction. Instant-win scratch offs aren’t even as affirming. This means you won, white flags up, no questions asked- no instant replay needed,  end of story- book closed. A subtle smirk, and feeling all of your fight-or-flight responses calming down, bringing you to the point of reality and stability while your fellow arguer stomps away in rage, stewing and upset- continuing to do so– for the remainder of the day.

It’s worth it really. 

But hey, we all have growing up to do, right? J