I found myself thinking, I could never be a stay at home mom- all day, every day.
I know I couldn't do it.
I know I'd probably ring her neck- daily. (in the lightest- happiest way possible)
2 year old chaos is like none other i've experienced thus far in my life.
There's a constant need for attention, wants and demands.
All of those needs and daily necessities are up to me.
We spend the first year making sure they stay alive. Checking up on them, in the middle of the night to hear their little breaths- so you can sleep a little easier for the next couple of hours, or until the next time you have to get up after hearing them from the other room, whimper or cry. They're easy when they're babies. Their needs are met by milk, food, changing, napping, and when all else fails- assuming they're teething or sick- and giving some gas drops and or Benadryl usually solves that mystery.
Then all of a sudden between 12 and 15 months- they start wanting more (as if we aren't already stretched to our limits). They start learning more, yearning for more knowledge about their surroundings. They start getting more daring and adventurous, entertaining and adorable...naughty and sometimes irritating. They're almost 2. They are becoming a little person right before your very eyes. They surprise you, and scare you. They make you laugh, and cry. They are the reason you wake up early in the morning (even on your day off).
And so, I find myself cherishing the moments I get to myself, even if it is just late at night, once she finally decides she's tired enough to stop watching "Pee-vee" (TV) with momma, stop wrestling the kitties, or munching on her "chee-choos" (any cereal or snack)- or even if it's for a couple of hours I'm squeezing out of daycare time.
Don't get me wrong, I cherish the moments I'm with her- but I think it's easier to love your kids, after you've been apart for any period of time. Any hard day at work usually fizzles out by the time I've picked her up from her daycare. It's hard not to wipe it all away when you see a little curly blonde hair, blue-eyed mini-you, running at you with open arms excited to tell you she went on the "side and wiing" (slide and swing) today with her little friends.
Not every moment is easy. But I can be proud that I know my kid is doing alright. I think it's natural to compare kids around your kid, to see how they're doing- or keeping up.
I've been blessed with a mild-mannered, easy-going almost-2 year old.
They say God will only give you what you can handle, and I know he's given me just that...even if it seems he's testing my limits some days. But- this is the route I chose, this is the road I decided was best for me, even if it wasn't the easiest or bump-free. Life is about choices, and I've lived long enough to know that taking the easy way out- never grants much satisfaction, and in fact, usually leaves a little void in the end.
I know that I'll look back in 5, 10, 15 years or so on- and realize my choices made me who I am today (the future-me). It's a bit scary because I know who I was 5 years ago- and I know I would have laughed at anyone telling me where I'd be today (the present-me).
It's exciting to look forward into the unknown, and wonder where exactly I'll be next.
